a tidbit

mother’s day was yesterday. i think it was international.
yesterday was one of the more sombre and lacklustre day i’ve had in a while. of course, i’ve been low for quite some time, so yesterday wasn’t a big deal, but particularly yesterday i felt it more. i probably deny the reason why. well, it’s not a happy reason, and there’s no need for me to spell anything out, but to sum everything up, things could have been better if certain incidents had never happened around three years ago.
i shan’t reminisce. yesterday was how i met your mother: on instagram. thousands of posts being pinned up worldwide to show appreciation for mothers. it’s not a bad thing. i was heartened to see people having happy, complete families, and embracing the most important people in their life. it should be done. but always. not only on mother’s day because your mother stays with you 24/7 and she helps you all the time. one day is not enough to show your gratitude and thankfulness to your mother. you don’t treat her well for one day. you don’t bring her out for a meal once a year. it should be weekly. daily, if possible. a basic family unit of love. it’s not a one-off thing.
i guess that in future, if i somehow ever become a mother, i would want to be a selfless one. this is my impression of how mothers should be; they’re certainly not what my mother is, and no, she doesn’t even come close. i don’t and won’t talk about her, not because i’m not a filial daughter, but because she chose to not be around. so there’s nothing for me to do. yay.
but back to the point, yes, i would think a mother would be self-sacrificial, although of course i don’t agree that a mother would be like that to God’s extent, because that’s frankly not possible because we don’t even come close to being perfect and being humanly capable of being that great. but mothers are great figures in families; the woman herself is important to the husband, and she’s important to the kids. i love kids and i do want some daughters in the future. it’s just a hope now because i’m not even looking for love, but i think that if i were to be a mother, i’d want to be a responsible and good one. not like someone. i’d want to have a close relationship with everyone in my family, and i’d want happiness and a comfortable life for the people i love. seems like the stereotypical image of a mother. maybe it is. but that’s the only image i have.
even on mother’s day, i’m here showing appreciation to my dad. i love him to the moon and back. seriously. for all the things my dad has done for me by staying with us all this while, solely providing for us, granting our wishes, encouraging us, helping us, laughing with me, crying with me, teaching me all kinds of stuff, letting me do what i want to do with his full support, and basically being the most respectable family figure i ever have, i have so much to thank my dad for. he’s the one and only pillar of support that somehow i can trust all these years despite having had moments of doubt creep into me at various times. they still exist. but it doesn’t mean i deny what my dad has done for me. this reminds me of yeats’s poem ‘to a shade’ where he writes about his incense at the ungrateful irish people who, because of an affair, completely overlook charles parnell’s significant contributions to ireland at that point in time and sorta drove him to his grave early. yeah, similarly, i won’t overlook all that my dad has done for me if one day i find out something i don’t like.
i think again, and maybe i should do the same for this ‘mum’ of mine? but what form of love was there? materialistic, money-oriented… i don’t know, but i don’t feel the same way. it doesn’t even come close. i’m scrapping this topic.
but yes, happy mother’s day to all mothers out there in the world, because you’re amazing figures of support and love within your families. keep on loving and never give up because you’re one of the most awesome people in the world that anyone can ever have.

i should go on to something lighter.

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as much as i’m craving for these kind of food right now, i know that i gotta control if i want this to work out. it’s been successful so far, and this has got to continue on. it takes just a little more effort to get what i want, and this little effort shouldn’t be compromised either.
i’ve been into food recently, and there’s a lot of food that i’ve been looking at. not too healthy at this point in time, i know, but i couldn’t help it, because food is so pretty ^^ i think there’s a lot of beauty in the way food can be photographed, and this is why i began to develop an interest in food photography. i like to see how the tastiness of food can be brought out through a beautiful picture, and i constantly search for it nowadays. maybe it wastes some of my time, but i think it feeds my eyes. lol.

i changed my blog theme to a minimalist design pretty much, and i’m in love with this new design ❤ although there's a lot of other customisations that i want to do, i think i'm contented with this for now. gives off a very clean, neat and peaceful feel. i like.
and this is the kind of simplicity and tranquil, free effect that i’m looking for. i’ve always dreamed of standing in an area where there is just wide space around me, be it grass or ice, and i can just spread out my arms wide open and feel the cool breeze blow soothingly against my face as i stand in the cooling sun, and my hair dances behind me together with the singing wind. i think it’s such a beautiful moment. to enjoy that blissful solitude (or maybe with a partner) and to be free. freedom. it’s such a sought-after moment. the moment of epiphany. the moment when you have no worries and burdens and you can cast them all into the flitting wind. passes by without you knowing. to bask in such glory, the glory of your freedom. i dreamed of this a lot, and while i have had moments where i felt something close in the countryside when i was travelling in new zealand, i haven’t found it again other than that one time i encountered it quite by chance. i really, really want to feel it again. such euphoria is so hard to come by and i really want to travel around the world and find such spots for me to enjoy such rare, priceless moments. something that cannot be traded for. something in my dreams. something which is a part of me.

i'm not going to post much, and here i'm going to add a few delicious pictures of food because i think that no one can ever get bored of admiring food and drooling all over them. yep.

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