I shouldn’t be feeling sorry for you knowing it. Knowing it when you wouldn’t want me to know. But I do, I somehow feel pity. And you probably don’t want my pity either.
All I can do is wish you all the best. I know you’re able to do it as long as you work for it and show yourself that you can. You don’t believe in yourself and that’s one of the problems. You hate it and therefore don’t do it, and that’s another problem. But you can, you can, you’re capable of doing it, and one day I hope to see you happy because you did it.
1. Recently I became interested in certain raps. I found the art of rapping quite interesting, in the sense that it’s not merely ‘speaking fast’, but there is an element of music to it which creates its beauty. It’s music and song in itself, it’s a tale in itself, and it can make a song more upbeat, more melancholic, or more soulful depending on its feel.
I tried learning some raps. It sure wasn’t easy because you have to be really good in articulation, and there has to be power. Not just power, but a sense of calm and whatever feeling the rap holds as well. A good rapper can bring all the feelings out clearly whilst rapping. And that is beauty. Whoever came up with raps sure had an eye for beauty in music. It also gives people who can’t sing well a chance to excel in rapping.
2. I have another upcoming dance hip-hop performance next week. I’m getting excited for it because working together with the dancers is fun. Although it is extremely tiring to pump all your energy into one hip-hop song over and over. It’s the reason why I’m tired, why I’m so drained, why life seems to be pretty still without excitement. It all links to me being tired and I hope to kick more energy and start a fire in me soon with my upcoming dance item. It’s the first time all of us of the same level will be performing an item together, and while it’ll be fantastic, the dance concert next year is going to be so fulfilling, so worth it, so exciting and way more thrilling than whatever I have now. I can’t wait!
3. I can’t shake off the expectations and the comparisons I automatically and unconsciously make. If only I didn’t have these expectations and didn’t compare it with my previous one, I would be happier with it now. Because I didn’t do too badly. It would have been fine if only I didn’t harp on the previous one and if only I didn’t expect to improve. Because disappointments hurt.
I’ll just work from here, and I’ll improve along the way. Please, let the fire ignite, and may it never die.