Back and forward

1. The time that flew

조금만 아파도 눈물나요
가슴이 소리쳐요
그대앞을 그대곁을 지나면

온통세상이 그대인데

그대만 그리는데
그대 앞에선 숨을 죽여요

내게 그대가 인연이 아닌것처럼
그저 스치는 순간인 것처럼
쉽게 날 지나치는 그대곁에

또 다가갈 한걸음 조차

체 뗄 수 없을지라도

서성이게 해 눈물짓게 해
바보처럼 아이처럼
차라리 그냥 웃어 버려

점점 다가설 수록
자꾸 겁이 나지만
이 사랑은 멈출수가 없나봐

왜 내 사랑만 더딘거죠
내 사랑만 힘들죠
그대앞에 그대곁에 있어도

온통 세상이 그대인데

그대만 보이는데
그대 앞에선

난 먼곳만 봐요

내게 그대가 꼭 마지막인 것처럼
내겐 마지막 순간인 것처럼
쉽게 날 지나치는 그대 곁에

또 다가갈 한걸음 조차

체 뗄수 없을지라도

서성이게 해 눈물짓게 해
바보처럼 아이처럼
차라리 그냥 웃어버려

점점 다가설 수록
자꾸 겁이 나지만
이 사랑은 멈출수가 없나봐

먼 발치서 나 잠시라도
그대 바라볼수 있어도
그게 사랑이죠

혹시 이 기다림이 이 그리움이
닿을때면 들릴때면
차라리 모른척 해줘요

그대에게 갈수록

자꾸 겁이 나지만
이 사랑은 멈출수가 없네요

(려욱버전 들리는데)

A lot of it is relevant… This is how I felt the past two to three months… It’s amazing how time has flown and changed things so subtly yet consciously – in a flash, everything’s all different, all changed, all new. There’re new challenges to face and while that’s alright, what’s past may have been a dear memory, a memory I wish I could live again.
This feeling was accentuated by what happened today which I’ll talk about later at (2). What has happened has happened and it’s not really easy to move on and forget as easily as I thought I could. It’s already a part of my life and I guess I have to learn to accept it whether I like it or not. Although my dream is still there, still available, it won’t be the way it would be anymore, and I’ll have to embrace that fact. Perhaps it’ll be good for me in the future, so I won’t gripe. As long as you learn from experiences, like I’ll always do, each experience won’t be wasted. You learn from mistakes, learn from failures, learn from tribulations.

On a happier note, there’re things I absolutely don’t regret at all and instead wish I could live it more and longer 😦 I really hope I’ll be able to spend more time with my precious ones in the future, maybe travel together as in all our dreams ^^ Let’s go far away, let’s be free, let’s live the life the way we want it to be. Nothing can ever bring you down, because remember, you choose what you want to do with your life and your life is yours to live. What may be difficult may daunt you, but it’s your choice whether you want to let yourself down or not, whether you want to let it bring you down. Hence, if something pulls you down, you’re the one that let it. Be strong, persevere, you’re always there for a reason, we all are there for a reason. Live for yourself, for your loved ones, for your precious friends. You’re not alone.

2. Nostalgia

Sooooo today I went back to my secondary school where I FINALLY, finally met my dearest bestie I hadn’t met in a long long while ㅠ_ㅠ But finally I see her today, and although I didn’t get to see her too long but being back there because of Teachers’ Day made me realise that I spent 4 years developing myself there, learning, making friends, becoming stronger. My happy dream days ended in secondary school and the tribulation began there all the way up till now. But the difficult times were what made me stronger, were what made me learn more, made me open my eyes, made me embrace life even more. I was able to appreciate the little things in life better and see the beauty in the littlest of things because otherwise I wouldn’t be able to be happy at all. I wouldn’t be able to have done well in the graduating exams and go on to do what I wanted in high school. I wouldn’t be able to feel contented and learn contentment without my best friend or without knowing how to be happy with what I have, how to cope and how to live with whatever’s happening.
My last year in secondary school had to be one of the best years of my school life despite the fact that a lot of troubles happened then. It was then I had my four other best friends, when I was happy with my friends, when I had more freedom, when I was able to attend a concert of the band I like, when I was able to do well in the end, when I had the longest, freest holiday of my life (although it could have been spent better). It was then when I could be happier and more carefree with less personal troubles. And it was then I matured and learnt a lot.
It might not have been the best day every day but overall it was worthwhile, it was one of the better years when I knew what I was doing, and it was one of the most happening years in my life. It is all an experience now, an experience which if I had relived I might have chosen to live it better, but an experience I’m truly grateful for. Because right now, I still have all my best friends, and I hope we keep on strong 🙂

True. I do it all the time now, it’s like I’m used to putting on a façade such that nobody really knows who I am really inside and how I really feel unless they’re close to me and then I’m willing to share and be myself.
That’s good because I appear to be positive and whatever I say serves to be a reminder to myself as well. But it’s not my true self and that’s what I have to fix – it’d be great if that was my true self, if I was a better person than who I really am. I’m changing what’s bad for the better, and I’ll keep the good qualities that I have now – change is part of life, there’s no escaping. I’ll continue on, fighting against what comes against.
Let’s persevere together (: One day we’ll emerge as champions, and hopefully still together as Prisapeanichy ^^

On a side note, I really really hope to be able to see one of the members of the band I like later today ^___^ He’s not my favourite member but he’s sure someone I still want to see! Wish me luck ;P


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