I’m rather confused recently.
My feelings are all messed up. I don’t know how I really feel towards certain issues. I don’t want to let my emotions get the better of me, but I just don’t know how I really feel.
There are several issues. I won’t state any of them, but they leave me wondering.
I don’t want to feel this way because I think it makes me act weirdly. Or seemingly, to myself.
There are too many uncertainties in this life, too many things I don’t know, too many doubts left hanging alone.
I’d really like to pull up that string of doubt right now, but I don’t know how, and it just isn’t possible in real life. To me, that is.
Definitely for some.
One day I would like to discover the truth, including those from the past. There has been something which kept me thinking and possibly led me to jumping to conclusions and assuming what might not really be. I’ve never said it out, but it was pretty obvious to my friends right from the start. That’s why people say that when you’re out of it you have an outsider’s view. They all suspected it and even told me but I never believed it. But now, I wonder… But I’m glad I didn’t do anything about it.
I hope to keep it this way.
However, I don’t like the recent change of thinking and mindset that has set into me. It got me seeing things differently, feeling things differently, possibly even behaving differently. What am I doing? What am I thinking? Why do I suddenly switch this way? I was probably better before, and if I never changed, I wouldn’t be feeling this confused over several issues. I would have less on my hands right now.
I resolved to set it all aside, to focus on my studies. I probably can, and I can keep myself under control, but I won’t know what will happen if the other party does something.
I just hope it won’t hurt me.
Because I’ve been hurt enough.


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